Department of Revenue - Does anyone work there?

My oldest child just celebrated her 13th birthday. I woke up with a few more grey hairs that morning. Some in anticipation of the hormonal adjustments that will occur over the next 5 years and some in anticipation of my financial downfall. Babies are expensive and children in general are expensive, but now we're talking about expenses as trivial as undergarments and as monstrous as transportation. Dating and middle school and high school functions and activities and sports and the list goes on and on.

How will I afford these items as a single mother of 3? I am a member of the working poor society. Do I receive child support? No, I do not. Have I tried to receive child support? Why, yes I have for years. I do not expect that I will ever receive child support. I base this on the wonderful workings of our government.

Living in Tennessee, when my daughter was 9 months old, I became pregnant with my second child. My husband wouldn't hold a job, couldn't provide for us and spent more time away from home than he did with us. One morning, after he hadn't come home all night, I received a tip from a friend that he had left a local bar the previous night with an ex-girlfriend of his. Meanwhile I was at home, with no food, transportation or diapers for the baby. I felt it was a safe move to leave the marriage behind and try to start over.

In my divorce decree, there was court ordered child support set at $93.23 a week for the two children. Did I receive it? Of course not. Without the responsibility of a family, my ex-husband hopped from place to place and job to job. He eventually moved up north to NY to live near his relatives there. So I had the case transferred from Tennessee to NY in hopes that it would be easier for him to pay and them to track him down if he didn't. After 3 1/2 years of receiving nothing, he began to make fairly regular payments through the courts of NY. I brought the children to NY to see him and the family there. At this point, he was in arrearages of over $15,000.

My ex is a master of manipulation and raises BS to new levels. I fell for his lies and empty promises and before I knew it, he was moving back to TN to try and rekindle our relationship. Things went sour very fast, of course. He still had difficulty holding jobs and his money was always disappearing. My job paid barely enough to get me and the two kids by, much less carry him too. We were evicted several times and before I knew it, I was testing positive with EPT again.

Upon the birth of our 3rd child, even though we were technically not married, the state of NY sent me a letter wanting me to verify that my ex and I had reconciled and had another child together. When I verified this, they closed the case and wiped away all arrearages.

It wasn't until we moved to Florida to be closer to my family that I realized his troubles all stemmed from an addiction to crack cocaine. Even now, I think how plain it was and kick myself for not seeing it, but in my defense, I was only 21 when we met and had never messed with any hard drugs. I was simply naive.

After battling him and his addictions for 5 years. I had to call it quits for the childrens sake. He still couldn't hold a job and now I was trying to support 5 people on my weak salary. We were evicted repeatedly and the children (two of which were now school age) were transferred from school to school. They were victims of verbal and emotional child abuse from him whenever he was around. He stole what little money I could bring in to feed his addictions and so forth. So we left. I found a small 2 bedroom duplex and packed up and took the children.

I contacted the Department of Revenue to re-establish child support and add the 3rd child and was told different things. First they said if we never went back before a judge to have the child support stopped, then he should still be responsible for all those years and ongoing. This made him in arrears for $45,000. Of course, they must serve him with court papers before any support can be established.

I told them he was in rehab. They told me, oh, that's too bad, no child support for you. Then he left rehab and went to live with his sister. I called and gave them the address. After 6 months, they had still done nothing to serve him with anything. His addiction got him driven out of his sisters home.

Then he was a nomad for a while....no child support for us. Then he got a job in Missouri. I provided them with his address and place of employment. After 6 months, all the department of revenue would do is argue that his last known verifiable address was that of his sister. By the time they got ready to do anything about it, a full year later, he had moved to Chicago, IL.

It has been several months but he is ready to go on the move again to Texas or somewhere. My last contact with the department of revenue was them telling me that unless I can provide another valid address, they were closing my case. That after 3 years, they couldn't continue to waste their time and resources tracking him! I was also told that they held the paper, signed by the judge that I never saw in NY, that states my case was closed, he owes nothing from the past and is technically not obligated to pay me any support until a new order is in place.

I am tired of fighting. This has been ongoing for 12 years and nothing has been done to help me. The system sucks. Period. I am positive that mine is not the only story like this - although maybe not quite as complex. The Department of Revenue has made it clear that unless I bring him directly into the office and sit him in their face, they will do nothing to help me attain the resources needed to raise his children.

My children will continue to age. They will continue to be without a father and the phrase "Sorry, baby, I just can't afford it", will become etched into their minds as Mama's favorite saying. My hair will continue to grey. I will continue to be a member of the working poor. And he will continue to get off Scott free.